Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
