I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
