she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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