I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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