so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
