her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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