So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
