My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
