Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
