dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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