i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
