im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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