I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
