This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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