Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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