I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
