I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
