So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Someone came in the potted fern
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
