we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
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It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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