I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
