Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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