I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
