we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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