It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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