If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
