i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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