Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
