its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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