I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize