see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
