I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
