I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
