tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
