i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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