I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize