girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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