I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need to sanitize my soul.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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