Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
