I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
