I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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