I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
