This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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