I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
