...so i touched it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
