I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
