A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
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Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's