Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
