laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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