on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
