just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
