he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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