Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
