do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
