i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize