i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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