The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
