My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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