brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
