I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
