I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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