dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
