I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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