is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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