Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
