Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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