im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
