shes about as inviting as chlamydia
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
