im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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