Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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