I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
