Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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