They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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