barbara walters just said penis...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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