The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
