You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
