Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she told me i tasted like america
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
