i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize